Recently I was asked to share how I connect so well with children. Below is a brief list of five actions I use and suggest for parents who are wanting more connection with their children. Of course there are more ways, and this is a good place to start.

•       Slow down

o Observe; Take time to look your children in the eye and observe the speed      

    that they move at. They need your time. Just being present is so important!

    Put down the phone and give your attention to them. If you need to, schedule  

    time for your children just like you do for appointments, study times, work

    times. When you talk to them, look them in the eye. This will help them learn

    that they are worth your time as well as how to communicate and connect   

    with others. 

•       Listen  

o   Listen completely before giving your response. There is nothing more frustrating to a child than being cut off while speaking and given a response that assumes someone else knows better, even if you do. Allot them the time to complete their thoughts and ideas before you respond. Again, have eye contact and show them that you are truly interested in what they have to say. 

•       Be real

o   We are all reading about the importance of authenticity in relationships and work environments. This needs to include your communication with your children. They are experts at knowing when someone is being honest or putting on a show. And when you are wrong, which we all are at times, admit it. Apologize. You will score far more points with a child than if you admit to making mistakes and show your humanness. You will also be modeling the virtue of honesty and how to work through disagreements in relationships. 

•       Laugh and Play

o   The most enjoyable aspects of being with children are when you allow yourself to be childlike, imagining and creating and playing! Ditch the video games for the outdoors; tag, frisbee, a game of catch, splashing at the local pool or lake, collecting stones. Ask your kids to help you make up the games. Draw pictures and give things unrealistic colors…sometimes the sky is purple and pink or yellow and orange, not blue. This gives them permission to be creative and think outside the box. 

•       Acknowledge

o   Give positive feedback. All too often kids hear what they shouldn’t do or what they do wrong. Acknowledge them when they put in effort, even if the results do not necessarily show it. Let them know that you really see them. This is not empty compliments; it’s honest awareness that you see them doing good things like being kind to others, trying their best, being creative, standing up for someone else. 

These five methods of connection are the foundation. Building a relationship of mutual respect takes time and work. Consistency is key. Keep at it and remember to always use the golden rule of treating them how you want to be treated. We'll look more at that in my next blog.